Many years ago I was invited to attend a series of classes taught through the LDS Church for women leaders. When I attempted to go to them my husband (now ex-husband) cited how difficult it would be for him to have to "babysit" all those evenings I would be gone. So I didn't go. I felt as if I'd missed out on an opportunity. When the opportunity came up again I didn't even bring it up. Even RS Activities would be a problem if a nursery wasn't provided. I quit trying. The reason I tell you this is so you understand the uniqueness of the events of this weekend.
I had known for nearly a month about the Women's Retreat. I felt the desire to go but was hesitant. Money is tight, but I knew that something could be worked out. I couldn't be there as early as everyone else and didn't want to leave my husband without a vehicle. Basically I was looking for a reason NOT to go. Then Friday I expressed via Facebook my desire to join these new friends on this quest. And suddenly I had a ride and she could be at my house in just a short time. I looked at my husband expecting to be told all the reasons it wasn't right for me to go. Instead he said, "What can I do to help you pack?" He and my two youngest daughters helped me pack in under 10 minutes. My ride showed up...a delightful young mother not much older than my oldest and she had even attended the same college my oldest now attends.
Hope is an amazing woman and I learned much from her as we shared our stories of seeking. We are both on different paths that happen to have converged. Whether this convergence remains or we separate down the line matters not to me. For I have found a friend in Christ.
This weekend was about Discovering the Divine Feminine. While I'm not as much of a die-hard feminist as say, my husband, I am finding that I am more of a feminist than I realized. But divine...that I was uncertain about. So this weekend was one of learning for me.
While much is still in a processing mode for me, I can tell you that I have learned that I truly am Divine. That I do have Worth. That my father and mother in heaven created me out of love. And that I need not be afraid to thank the Goddess who created me. She is Worth the recognition and love. She has brought much joy to my life and for her I am eternally grateful.
I learned to not be afraid to proclaim my divinity. I'm not stating I'm any better than anyone else...I'm not to be put higher than another, but I am a worthwhile member of the circle that reaches for unity and equality in everything. I've learned that the Living Water is within me and that I can draw on this as often as needed.
The women I met are all on a spiritual journey. Some are still seeking, like I am. Others are secure in where they are now, but understand the importance of continuing the journey.
So...with all of this information this weekend I learned something very vital. I have been raised (not by my parents but by my religious family) to believe I only have worth if I am following the teachings of the LDS Church and meeting their set of standards. Why on earth should I have less worth because I falter and make mistakes? Why should I be treated as the adulterous woman was by the Pharisees? That should never happen. It shouldn't happen to any woman...to any person. Why have I never been lifted up by my faith? It's easy to blame the patriarchy...the men...but it is the women who have done this. This isn't to say there aren't certain people who have treated me well regardless of the situations I've lived through, because there certainly are those people. But why should a woman be viewed as less than just based on her gender? It has never felt right.
I'll be the first to admit I didn't jump on board with the Ordain Women movement. I could see the allure, but it wasn't for me. Over the last couple of years I've begun to see the allure. I can't see convincing an organization as large as the LDS Church to change its belief patterns...at least not any quicker than the Blacks and the Priesthood issue. It may change in my lifetime, but I just don't see it happening. The church is too steeped in its patriarchal views. This saddens my heart. Because with equality comes power...the circle needs to be created.
I sat in a circle this morning with the most beautiful and talented women I've had the opportunity to meet. We joined in a prayer to the divine female deity. My prayer was "Divine Womb, form us, shape us, birth us into being." These words are imprinted on my soul. I will carry these words with me wherever I may go.
May the peace of the Divine Mother dwell within you all.
"Living water." "Divinity. " Amen. I am glad that we are walking this path together.
ReplyDeleteMeeting you and sharing this journey is a blessing in my life.
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