My friend, Sam Young, came forward a few months back as a former LDS bishop who was appalled at some of the stories he was hearing which were perpetrated by LDS bishops. Through much difficulty, he created the website protectldschildren.org and began a campaign to petition the LDS Church to end one on one interviews for youth with their bishop.
The longer I sit with this the more heartbroken I become. I know what it is like to sit in an interview with a bishop and be questioned about things like masturbation and sex. I know what it feels like to have these things made out to be evil and that I am some kind of deviant who needs saving. And this started at the tender age of 7, when I was asked if I ever touched my "private parts". WTH??? I said yes because you have to wipe when you use the toilet. I'm still shocked I did not end up with some kind of infection because I became fearful of wiping after that interview. Like somehow it was wrong. You'd think I'd go to my mom with this, but I actually asked my dad. He chuckled and explained that cleaning yourself after using the bathroom and any other touching of yourself was perfectly normal and not to feel bad about it. I was still really confused and as I sat with this for a few more years I finally asked one of my sisters. She laughed and then explained what it meant...masturbation. I still don't know if I ever really told my mom about it.
As a teen, almost every time I met with the bishop I was asked about chastity and asked sexually explicit questions. Then came Bishop Wood. This man should be up for sainthood. I was upfront with him about not wanting to be asked questions about sex and that if I was sexually active it was my choice and I wasn't going to be shamed for it. He told me that he would never ask details and just asked if I was following the law of chastity. When I told him no in one interview, he looked sad and asked me to do a few things like pray and read some scriptures, but he also understood that I had to make the choice. When I became pregnant out of wedlock he was sad, but happy to see that my family was supportive of me. He let me know that if I wanted, he could give me a referral to LDS Social Services. But he also understood and gave his support if I chose to keep the baby.
As an adult, I was asked by bishops sexually explicit questions during temple recommend interviews and personal priesthood interviews. It led to a very unhealthy view of sex. Not an easy thing for an adult woman. I was also told, by more than one bishop, that it was my duty as a wife to always submit to my husband. At this point I was denying the fact that I had already been sexually abused and assaulted. This led to me feeling like it was all my fault and that I had done something really wrong. It also led to suicide attempts and a stay in a psych ward for 10 days.
The last time a bishop asked me about my sex life, I told him to mind his own business. That what happened in my marriage was between my husband and I. This bishop looked at me and said that if I wasn't willing to go into detail that I would not get to keep my temple recommend. I demanded to know where it states that he could take my recommend if I didn't answer his questions. I needed to see the policy that says so. He said it is open to interpretation and this is how he interprets it. I left his office...and a short time later this bishop was released and disfellowshipped for other reasons.
When speaking with my husband, he said there was never a time where a bishop interview didn't lead to questions about masturbation. I was surprised, but not really. This led to discussions with two of my children who acknowledged that they too had been asked about masturbation and things of a sexual nature. At this point, I feel like I have failed my kids. This should never have happened. And it happened on my watch!
Yes, I signed the petition to the LDS leadership. I may no longer be a member, but I have children who are still on the records. It is for them and every other child that I signed. Standing by Sam is more than a choice, it is a necessity. If we can't stand up and say, "ENOUGH!" and protect the least of these, then how can we truly be following the path of Christ.
In looking inward these last few months, I found solace in a favorite hymn of mine. It was sung at my baptism and confirmation in Community of Christ. The song is "For Everyone Born"and the verse that sticks out to me is the 4th verse:
For just and unjust, a place at the table,
abuser, abused, with need to forgive,
in anger, in hurt, a mindset of mercy,
for just and unjust, a new way to live,
I can forgive those who hurt me. I can make a place for them at the table. I have found a new way to live. I won't ever forget the acts and my trust will be different. But I can move forward from this pain and find a new way to live.
If you haven't signed the petition to the LDS Leaders and want to, click on the link above for the Protect LDS Children website. Please share the petition...even if it didn't happen to you, it may have happened to someone you know.
No comments:
Post a Comment