It has been just over 10 years since I removed my name from the records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It feels like just yesterday and a lifetime ago. So much has changed within me spiritually and I am grateful for it. A lot has changed for me altogether.
2 years ago my husband and I moved to a different state to help take care of his father. It was my first time not living in Utah. Talk about culture shock. Living in small town America 3 hrs from the nearest major airport. It taking a good day to drive back to spend time with family in Utah. I wouldn't change this for the world.
At first I looked for a church we could attend, but there was not one that really felt right. The nearest Community of Christ congregation is 2 hours away. We attended our old congregation in Utah via Zoom and still pop in from time to time. Meanwhile, we have continued to attend Queering the Bible, a bible study group we started attending in Utah in 2022, via Zoom. More often we also meet with Murray Baptist Church for worship on Sundays. Pastor Dusty, who has become a cherished friend, along with his partner Elle preside over services which are presented in a very unique way. If you want a wholly unique way of learning about the bible I cannot recommend Queering the Bible strong enough.
My spiritual journey has continued to change and grow. Some days I don't recognize the person I once was when I practiced in TCOJCOLDS. Other days I fully see the culture in which I was raised. It is an interesting intersection of life. My father and father-in-law both dearly wish my husband and I would return to TCOJCOLDS. While my dad is very hardline with it (when we still spoke), my father-in-law understands and just lets us know of his desire while acknowledging our past hurt and struggles. Because of my FIL and his understanding we have attended church a small handful of times. While it feels familiar it has also become foreign.
Lately I have been reflecting on something my ex-FIL used to say to me when we spoke religion. He would remind me that it's the manner in which you question that changes what you find. He always told me to question in a manner that looked for understanding/proof and not to tear down or destroy. When I started this blog I was dismantling a lifetime of teachings. Many times I approached it with anger and contention. Now I look at my former religious affiliation and recognize it as flawed just like any other religious practice has flaws. There is no longer anger or malice in play.
The past month has really brought forward how much I miss being around my tribe (family and friends). I fell at the beginning of November and broke my kneecap into 2 pieces. I was home alone when it happened. While coming back to the house after taking out the kitchen garbage (from cleaning out the fridge) I tripped and fell on the bottom stair onto the porch. It took between 5-10 minutes for a neighbor driving by to see me frantically waving. He was driving by, stopped, backed up, then pulled into the driveway. He was able to call 911 and enter the house to get my phone so I could call my husband.
I am grateful to this neighbor. It is the first time I have been almost completely dependent on others for my needs. Credit goes to my husband and FIL for their caregiving. I have a conversation (usually via text) with one of my siblings almost daily. I'm ashamed to admit that this has been the most I've spoken with them in years. I need to do better.
One week later I had surgery to put my kneecap back together. Of course, I fell the next day because of my stubborn independence. I'm currently 2 weeks out from surgery and have encountered a complication regarding the screws which hold my kneecap together. If it does not improve I will require additional surgery. Throughout all of this I have heard and felt many prayers from those around me.
During this time of being laid up I have decided to step back into that spiritual path and research yet again. It is time to look closer at the world around me and how spirituality can strengthen me through study of scriptures and religious movements. Being forced to slow down gives me that opportunity. These next few weeks will be treated as if I have received a new pair of glasses. It takes time to adjust to how things are seen and accept that, perhaps, your own view needs to be acknowledge, accepted, and incorporated. I'm hoping this will lead to more content from me, but if not, I'll enjoy the journey.
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